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It's often hard to let go of someone when you feel sorry for them, or if you feel guilty that things didn't work out. Ultimately, though, this is your journey. Abigail, I love this article.


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Going to bring it to our seders and pass it out. So appropriate for this time of the year when we join our ancestors in leaving Mitzrayim [Egypt], those places that keep us stuck and enslaved to the past and move forward to the promised land, the place where a new chapter in our journey begins. Definitely keep me posted on new article on this blog. Your writings are an inspiration to me. Clearly written and ritual oriented. Abigail is one of the most grounded, intelligent, and sympathetic women I know.

She is the first person to whom I run for advice, problem solving, sometimes just reassurance. I can always count on a response from her that is sage and thoughtful and never riddled with platitudes. Now many more will benefit from her wise counsel through her columns in Psychology Today. Many thanks for your very kind words, Michele. It's my goal to help people understand change more fully and to hopefully, offer some useful tools so that the work through major life transitions is more fulfilling and personally meaningful.

Dear Abigail, I just wanted to ask you if I can find closure after an abortion,because I am grieving my loss I regret for what I did, and I feel shameful and hate myself, I think thhat there won't be any forgiveness from my God and i have no place in this world! Dear Friend, This is such a sensitive and personal issue. First, you are not alonemany women have had to make the very difficult,very painful decision to terminate a pregnancy. Even when the decision seems to be the "right" one for some there is invariably a deep sense of loss, sadness, often guilt, and sometimes shame.

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I'm guessing that you struggled with your decision but I'm sure you carefully weighed your options. Sometimes, it is just too difficult to bring a child into the world.

I would suggest that you don't keep this to yourself. Try finding a therapist who specializes in women's issues or someone of the clergy who will listen with sympathy and an open-mind.

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Also, it may be very helpful to create and perform a ritual that allows you to gain closure on the past. Forgiveness from God comes as a result of forgiving yourself. I hope this helps you in some way. He loves you regardless of your past, present and future. My girlfriend was in love with her best friend for 4 years. HE treated her poorly and she knows it. She was pretty much his friend with benefits and they were intimate with each other multiple times. Now I have stepped into her life and know that she will never be with him and realize it is okay for the two to be friends.


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  • She has told me that i treat they way she deserves and always believed the guy that liked her should treat her the way i do. We decided to take a step back because she is questioning her feelings for me I just am looking for some advice on what I could do to help her move forward in her life and potentially become my girlfriend again.

    I currently like my friend and we have been dating since around the end of December. She was finally ready for make it official about four weeks ago and we made it official on March 1st.


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    • Recently she has been questioning her feelings for me because she feels like she never received closure from her past. She was in love with the best friend for the last 4 years. The two of them were intimate and he promised her one day they would get married. She is emotionally damaged and just wants to be able to really commit to a relationship. I just dont know if there is anything I should do. I would like to help her get closure, i am scared that by holding her feelings back she will not longer like me. There isn't very much you can do to help her gain closure except give her space and time.

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      Clearly, she knows how you feel about her. In the long run it'll be better for you if she has taken care of "unfinished business" before she commits to a new relationship with you. If she can't gain closure it may come back to haunt the two of you. Better to be sure someone is really ready to fully commit, especially when it's meant to be for a lifetime. I wanted to thank you for your response. She is doubting that it is closure needs and that she will actually never like me that much.

      I know her past history and am hoping that it is not her past that is clouding her judgment. I know that I must move on and not think that I have a chance with her. She is a great girl and I knew how lucky I was when she was my girlfriend.

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      We have always been amazing friends and I the crazy part is that I dont care that we are no longer a couple I understand that it is a part of life but I just want to be her friend again. Is that something that will be possible? You definitely can be friends, especially if you can talk about your relationship and what the expectations for both of you are for the future. I'm happy for you that you understand what the limitations are.

      Hi abigail, I am having difficulty getting closure after being stalked by a former coworker, this person acted like a friend then cyberstalked me and then started following me in his car when i was walking home from work.

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      I dont think I did anything to encourage his behaviour I had only been friendly to him in the workplace and he was a facebook friend for a while til i deleted and blocked him , I just dont understand why he did it, his ex gf told me he did the same thing to her as well, but I was never his girlfriend and at the time he knew I had a partner and children and he had a girlfriend himself.

      Ive had no contact with him and have moved to a different state which has helped but I still cant understand why. I dont want any contact with him but would just like to stop thinking about it and feeling paranoid etc? With your back to school season beginning to increase about the next few weeks, i think it would be time for you to check some of the top new sites. Six months ago I quit my job and moved to Thailand to teach English.

      It was absolutely incredible!! I really fell in love with it. Three months in I had to return home unexpectedly due to a family emergency. I feel like a failure. Furthermore, I am out of a job.

      Life has been better. Do you have any advice on dealing with difficult situations? Also, any ideas on a good ritual? I am the youngest of 6, six children within 8 years. I know, right?

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